Misunderstandings and Gender Differences Essay

In the movie The bachelor-at-arms released in theaters in 1999, Jimmy (Chris O feignnell) makes his wedding proposal to Anne (Renee Zellweger) by saying You win as he offers her an engagement ring. Anne m roles with ut about disappointment and surp organize. When she gets hold of her breath, she then accuses Jimmy of ruining everything the hotel restaurants romantic ambience, the attitude, and the music. Jimmy argues that what he did was mediocre to propose.For him, his statement was just a simple expression of his goal to marry Anne as he felt that he was compelled to do so. In Annes point of view however, Jimmys marriage proposal was offending it is as if he was not really earn to be married. As a result, she walks out on him. much(prenominal) talk is a common congressman of the misunderstandings that stem from differences in gender. This is in line with what Deborah Tannen proposes in her book, You Just Dont Understand . fit to Tannen, men and women take aim diverse conversational styles.Since people from different genders have different points of views and conversational styles, misunderstandings happen. Such claim is much agreeable and very noticeable in day to day conversations, not just in America, but also in former(a) parts of the globe. In this paper, the researcher will depone this argument of Tannen by citing supporting details such as the genderlect theory of Tannen, arguments between rapport and draw dialogue, and their varying interpretations of interruptions in conversations.The researcher will also provide examples which can be readily discernible in day to day fundamental interactions. In Tannens Genderlect theory, she notes that the 2 sexes have different styles of communication which is delightful much comparable to the interaction between two people coming from different cultures. To a true extent, she has equated gender with culture. In her book, Tannen claims that Boys and girls grow up in what atomic number 18 esse ntially different cultures, so tattle between women and men is cross-cultural communication. (Tannen, 1990, p. 18).Basically, she argues that men and women grow up in different worlds where worlds here adjoin to psycholinguistic situations. For example, it can be tell that when girls ar growing up, they tend to interact best by means of the establishment of friendships with other women. They pattern their communication styles by dint of the intimacy that they get from their mothers and their best friends. Technically, they glide by well(p) with people whom they can best severalize with. A girls prime motivation to propound is to form relationships and establish closeness and confidence.On the other hand, boys grow up and learn to kindlyly communicate in groups where they are nurtured to become tough and strong seemingly relieving themselves of intimacy and focusing their conversations on perspective primary(prenominal)tenance. They play in groups where they can compe te and boast. Boys are much inclined to initiate conversations with people they have just met in arrange to establish their sense of status and compete for diversity. Such gender differences in learning and growing up are best demonstrated in the toys and role plays that boys and girls adapt as they grow up.Most of the time, girls would like to play with dolls and play houses where they can assume the role of a mummy and then pretend that they are caring for their baby. They then establish intimacy by actually practicing it through role playing. As for most boys, they would rather play with toys remote controlled cars or bicycles that they can use to public life against each other, and/or engage in activities where they can show their superiority through physical built, strength, or skills i. e. basketball, baseball, etc.They establish their craving for supremacy through competition and rivalry and hierarchical roles within a group depending on the outcome of the contest. As su ch, by growing up in two different scenarios, boys and girls develop different cultures. Thus, gender interaction becomes a cross-cultural interaction. And, like any form of interaction between people across two different cultures, most men and women are finding it arduous to adapt to each others differences in order to enhance their sensitivity and improve communication and intimacy.As noted by Tannen, men see the world as a venue where a hierarchical social order in which they are either one-up or one-down exists. For them, there is al instructions a question of gaining the amphetamine hand. As for women, they see the world as a network of connections where the conversations are negotiations for closeness and people correct to seek and give confirmation and support, and to reach consensus (Tannen, 1990, p. 25).Another factor that contributes to the emergence of misunderstandings between men and women is their differences in conversational styles primarily the tendency of women to engage in rapport talk as men take leave into report talk. Basically, rapport talk refers to conversations that are designed to improve and build relationships. This type of conversations results to statements which are polite and friendly even appeasing and pacifying. When women talk, it is more likely that they are asking for someones approval or more so, advice.On the other hand, the report talk refers to the communication style where the main intent of the person is just to deliver information and accomplish tasks at hand. Such type of statements demonstrates dominion and authority because they much sound like commands and orders. Tannen further explains that women use rapport talk as they often engage in private speaking. Such is best shown in what is dubbed as a girl talk where women share stories so they can match experiences, explore similarities and differences, and create a special adhesion with each other.Only when two women have engaged in a serious girl talk ab out their personal lives can they usually regard each other friends. As they share more about themselves through more rapport duologue, they develop a common world (Tannen, 1990, p. 76-77). As for men, they use report talk for public speaking. Tannen notes that they favor public discourse and challenging arguments. In most teddys, what they want to do is to get some attention and establish themselves as dominant by proving that they are right or knowledgeable (Tannen, 1990, p. 76-77).This characteristic of men can be observed in pure talks between groups of males where their topics of discussion are often wide ranging from simple mechanic tools to basketball players. As they swerve from one topic to another, a man shows dominance through his ability to carry on with the shifts and showing that he is well versed in a variety of subjects. Technically, because women find mens report talks offending and men regard rapport talks as irrelevant this gives rise to many situations where women and men in relationships grow apart.Misunderstanding happens because women would love to engage in intimate talks of relationship building which men neglect and because men talk in ways that women mistakenly identify as intimidating and offending even when the opposite gender means good. Based on Tannens book, another factor that demonstrates how gender differences can cause misunderstandings is the fact that men and women differ in the way they interpret interruption.This is very important because as the author explains, Interrupting carries a load of meta messages that a partner doesnt care enough, doesnt listen, and isnt interested. (Tannen, 1990, p. 189) In most cases, Tannen argues that men will probably not meet interruptions because they will equate it to a struggle for dominance. For them, an interruption would indicate that one is interpreting to lead the conversation and thus, overpowering them. For a woman however, interruptions are regarded as an ordinary part of a rapport talk.Women would grateful interruptions because it shows healthy participation and interaction which can contribute to the formation of an agreement. It also signals that the person might be listening to the conversation. In this regard, it may be important to note that silence would probably harbor a reverse effect on both sexes. In the case of men, they might regard silence as a sign of submission where they are offered with the total independence that they need free from instructions, requests, and nags.In the case of women however, silence may be equated to an act of disregard and disrespect. If a wife talks to his preserve and his husband refuses to talk or respond to what she is saying, then she would probably imply that her husband takes no notice of her. followers this point of view on interruption and silence, it can be noted that perhaps misunderstandings happen because sequence men want silence, women demand for interaction. As claimed by Tannen, Women a nd men feel interrupted by each other because of the differences in what they are trying to accomplish with talk (Tannen, 1990, p.215). When the growing and contrasting demands of each other finally meet, then divisions or gaps between men and women occur. In conclusion, one can note that misunderstandings among the two genders mostly occur because their directions, motives, and needs in conversations greatly vary. It seems that while men argue for competence, women struggle to go for harmony. As women demand for interaction and intimacy, men reject them as they search for silence and independence.Thus, in order to establish connections between opposite genders, people should be more sensitive to the differences in communication preferences and styles and try to adapt and accept the existence of such differences. A thorough understanding of these differences can definitely prompt effective communication techniques which can result to healthy relationships in the long run. Work Cit ed Tannen, Deborah. You Just Dont Understand. William Morrow and Company, 1990